We've reached the 20 week mark and it feels like we're just hoping and praying to make it to the next month. Thankfully, everything went well at our latest doctor's appointment. Baby Masu seems healthy. The little one stayed bundled up with legs over the head for the entire ultrasound. I've never seen an imaging tech get so frustrated to move a baby to capture all of the organs and bones. Every time we go for an ultrasound Baby Masu seems to be sleeping. The tech will shake my belly to wake the baby up and the little one squirms around for a bit and goes back to sleep. Baby Masu is def way more active at night, with little kicks and somersaults in my tummy.
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| Baby Masu practicing yoga in plow pose! |
I did gain 4 lbs in the past month and my doctor would like me to gain 4 more by next month. It's been a real struggle to keep on the weight. I thought it would be so easy to gain weight, but since I'm vegetarian, that just isn't the case. I've been eating meals at least every 2 hours with a good combination of protein, fats, and complex carbohydrates. I've also started drinking protein shakes daily to get some extra protein to meet my daily requirements. It seemed to help a little. I definitely want my little one to be a healthy size and not measure in underweight at birth, so gaining weight is important to me.
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| My daily protein shake...def not my fave part of the day! |
I usually feel really relieved after every monthly OB visit, but this visit was particularly reassuring. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know that something bad can happen at anytime during a pregnancy or even after delivery, but making it to 20 weeks really feels great! With this pregnancy, I was a lot more guarded and insecure than my first one. I guess that's to be expected when the first pregnancy doesn't go the way you had hoped it would.
With the first pregnancy, there was an innocent happiness. We had a rocky start to the pregnancy with a lot of bleeding which warranted a few emergency trips to the ER. But I still had hope everything would work out in the end. However, it just wasn't meant to be. With this pregnancy there was fear before there was celebration...even after we took the first pregnancy test. My husband didn't want me to get my hopes up by assuming it was a definite positive since the line was so faint. With the first pregnancy, we started celebrating from the time we saw that same faint line.
With my first due date approaching next week, I've been really reflecting on life and how things work out. It's crazy to me to think that even though I would have been having my first child next week, and now I am half-way through my second pregnancy with a seemingly healthy child, I could not be happier. I still think of my first baby...Baby Boba. I miss her. I wish it would have worked out so I could meet her. But it didn't. I was lucky to have a second chance so quickly after my loss, and I am thrilled. Baby Masu is my everything now. I didn't think I could move on after I lost Baby Boba, but now I can't imagine my life without Baby Masu. I guess the roller coaster of emotions is what makes life interesting and worth living. Just when you think it will be stormy every day, the rainbow comes. My rainbow is Baby Masu.
During my first pregnancy, I was really whiny and would complain about every pregnancy symptom. This time every bout of nausea, back ache, and tummy ache is a blessing. I truly appreciate all of the changes my body is going through and realize how lucky I am to experience them.
My husband and I agreed to not let fear get the best of us with this pregnancy. Like I said, fear took over from the beginning. However, once we found out that we were truly pregnancy, we chose to not let fear cloud our happiness. A pregnancy is always worth celebrating no matter how it could possibly turn out. We were still careful...we took forever to tell our friends and family that we were expecting. That was mostly due to me enjoying having a little secret just for myself. I was able to live in a little bubble with my baby for some time and focus all of my energy on maintaining a positive and happy pregnancy. My husband and I also agreed that we would do a Facebook reveal to announce our baby. We had done one with the first pregnancy and soon after we ended up losing our baby. It would be easy to forgo the announcement this time, but that would be letting fear get the best of us. We wouldn't be able to have a positive experience this time if we didn't celebrate this child.
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| Baby bump is coming along! Def time for maternity pants! |
I don't regret anything anything we did with the first pregnancy or this one. My little Boba is somewhere out there keeping an eye on Baby Masu. I will never forget her. She taught me that I was stronger than I thought I was, that my new marriage could survive even the toughest times, and that life goes on. I am fiercely over-protective now over Baby Masu...and I think my husband is, too. Let's just say that it never sits well with us when people joke about the nickname or any little quirks the baby might have...lol! I guess since Baby Masu was my little secret for so long, I can't help but expose my claws at weird comments. My husband and I are closer than ever and work better as a team because of what we went through. He is more understanding of how much physical discomfort comes with pregnancy this time around, and I complain and vent less than I did with the first pregnancy. (Pregnancy isn't easy for any woman, so it doesn't make a difference if I complain about every symptom. You're supposed to feel like alien life-form is taking over your body!) Overall, we've created a really peaceful and happy environment to grow our little one. Life didn't work out as we expected it would, but I wouldn't change the outcome for anything in this world.
Here's to 20 weeks, and to 20 more! Cheers! =)
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